Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
