I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Actions speak louder than pants.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
