My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
