dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Please don't give away my fajitas
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