I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
