if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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