How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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