It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
