just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I love having hate sex.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
