Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
being pregnant is like rehab
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
