My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
