Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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