i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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