If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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