I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the day after is always just damage control
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
