WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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