i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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