i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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