I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So vagazzling was a success
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
