So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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