I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
