i already hear my dad disowning me
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
