Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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