someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
