I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
