uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
