Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The beer is more important than you right now.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
