Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
