I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
