Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
