dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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