Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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