I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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