we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
