Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
