Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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