forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
