is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
