My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
