I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
