I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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