it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She's the barista slut.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
