I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
