I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
