they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
