If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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