i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
