New low: just hacked my moms facebook
operation have a gay friend backfired
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
