I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
