In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We left the knife in your bed.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
