She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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