Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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