I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
